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How to Process the Need for an Egg Donor

Learning that you must use an egg donor to have a baby is news that can be fraught with disappointment, anxiety, and unease. After all, unless you are part of an LGBT couple, you probably didn’t expect that your journey to parenthood would require another woman’s help. Regardless of whether you recently learned that you need an egg donor or if you’ve known for some time that you cannot use your own eggs, accepting this news can take some time to process.

We at Egg Donor America understand this very well. Our case managers are well versed in addressing the sensitivity required for prospective parents who are new to the egg donation process, especially those who have experienced unsuccessful fertility treatments. We’ve prepared a guide for prospective parents who may not have expected they would need to use an egg donor.

Take your time.
Infertility treatment can feel like a marathon and a sprint – with so many doctor’s appointments, tests, medications, injections, consultations and more, the process can be a daunting whirlwind. Yet it can also take months to years to reach a final conclusion regarding your infertility. It’s okay to grieve and feel sadness over an infertility diagnosis after this long process. For those who are advised that an egg donor offers the best chance to build a family, there may be an impulse to immediately move on and find your ideal egg donor as soon as possible. It’s also OK for couples to take their time to process this development. When you’re ready to begin looking for an egg donor, we invite you to register for our database.

Decide who you will tell and how you’ll address egg donor conversations.
Sometimes, one of the most intimidating parts of using an egg donor can be the conversations with family and friends about your new needs. Even the most confident and secure couples can be thrown off by unexpected, less-than-sensitive questions about egg donation. Who and when you choose to tell is entirely up to you and your partner, but it can help to have a “game plan” ready before starting a conversation with someone who is not familiar with egg donation.

Voice your concerns.
Questions and concerns about using an egg donor are 100 percent expected. No fertility specialist or case manager expects anyone using an egg donor to walk through the door completely informed and confident. This is a very important decision and we understand if you need to take your time and work through any doubts before you figure out what you’re looking for in a donor. We encourage prospective parents to seek the support they need during this time, whether via family and friends or an in-person or online support group for men, women, or couples.

Related Topics: Prospective parents